So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
