please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
