At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
