P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
