Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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