the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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