Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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