i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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