goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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