Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
