I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
