at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
