The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
