yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
