You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
