i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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