my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
