I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
