Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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