I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
only if we run a train.
done.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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