sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
