So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
