Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize