You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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