when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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