she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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