so explain again why im purple
no
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just pee around me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
