dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
