6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
