we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
