When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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