that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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