please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
