p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
