he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
