RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
