the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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