so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
