Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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