Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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