you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
