I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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