Swine flu. Run for my life!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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