Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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