If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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