I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
