Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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