at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
