I wish life had little blips of pornography
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
