Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
