Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
