how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
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