i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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