I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
