I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
