took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
