Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
