someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
