He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
