Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
