he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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