fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
