11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
