um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
