how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
