meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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