I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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