hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
