there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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